508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
