I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
