Do you still have your period?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
