I should be sponsored by Trojan
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
