The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
