Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
