She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
