U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
