yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
