I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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