you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
