I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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