The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
