Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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