I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
