I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
