My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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