Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
