Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
