The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize