every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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