Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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