I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
