so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I touched a dick in church today
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
