I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
