im about as happy as oj after his trial
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize