if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
