Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
βͺHe usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex lifeβ¬
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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