just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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