we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
