OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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