My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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