im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
