I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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