Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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