Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize