My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize