oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
