I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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