see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize