I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
