In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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