I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
