My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
