Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
