I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
