She's JV to your varsity
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
