Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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