god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
