I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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