What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How does it feel to date your dad?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
