I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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