Dual....:-)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
