I checked into jail on foursquare
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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