i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
