I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
