He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
