I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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