Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize