I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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