Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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