I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
