What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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