In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
