when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
