Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
