Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
