she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
