My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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