I'm going to jail i love you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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