All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
