The brown eye won't let me do that either.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
